I got this email the other day and thought they were pretty funny. So I'm sharing.
Thoughts to Ponder
· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
· Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
· The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
· Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
· Life is sexually transmitted.
· Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
· Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
· Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
· Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
· Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
· Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
· Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
· Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
· Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
· If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
· Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
· Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Friday, August 05, 2005
Thoughts to Ponder
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13 comments:
why does a baby without a diaper automatically pee down her legs?
yes, it's THAT kind of morning.
I like to think I'M like that slinky
Did you make all of these up? LOL!!
That was a great post.
I wish I could take credit for this but it was an email that I recieved.
Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
If a fly didn't have wings would it be called a walk?
I liked a lot of those. I may have to copy them for later.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens to commit suicide, do we refer to it as a hostage situation?
Why do Kamikaze pilots where helmets?
if i were to copy something from my blog would it be pledgerizing? if so..should i press charges?
he is a question for everyone to ponder...if i sexually molest myself do i have register as a sexual offender?
drive on the parkway, park on the driveway?!?
Ever notice how the word up is completely overused in our language? Grow up. Upshoot. Upshot. Upchuck. Throw up. Give up. Up Yours. Pull up. Pick up. Pin Up.... 7-Up?
Yeah...why DOES Jimmy keep cracking the corn?
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